


Monsters and Hypocrites (Or How I Might Have Accepted Ward Turning Into a Villain)

by Athelassa



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: But the show could at least have put more effort into the motivation for Ward turning into a villain, Contains major accusations against Coulson and the team, Dark, Don't read if you think they're all saints, Drama, Gen, GrantWardDeservedBetter, I tried to do better, I'm Sorry, I'm disappointed, It's been done sloppily, Stream of Consciousness, The show refuses to give me my redemption, This might be painful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 19:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3948898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athelassa/pseuds/Athelassa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was done with all of it. Done with obeying orders and being a wheel in the machination of others. Done with trying to keep himself out of other people’s business.<br/>But most of all, he was done with S.H.I.E.L.D.</p><p>A rewriting of Ward’s motivation for turning into next season’s villain. Since the finale has been one major disappointment and redemption is off the table for now, at least let’s try to make Ward’s descent into evilness believable. This is what I came up with. Very dark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monsters and Hypocrites (Or How I Might Have Accepted Ward Turning Into a Villain)

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I already now apologize for this story. I actually hate it a bit myself, but let’s just call it my version of coping with the epic fuck up that has been this season’s finale. Maybe it’s not the best read for people who are already disheartened completely by the finale, because this piece of writing here is just pure despair. So be warned. Everyone who has read my former stories knows that I always rooted for Ward getting his redemption (and still hoping for it!). I definitely didn’t want for Ward to become the next villain.
> 
> However, the longer I thought about it, the more I thought that I might have accepted Ward’s descent into evilness, if it had been done better. The writing was so bad, as was Ward’s motivation for turning evil. It’s not believable at all. So I thought about ways how to make his “evil turn” more believable. Well, let me know what you think about it!  
> BTW, this will be the only story I’ll ever write about evil!Ward. I’ll completely ignore cannon from now on, living blissfully in my Ward-redemption-universe.
> 
> Many thanks to icewitch73 from ff.net, with whom I could rave and rant to my heart’s desire after the finale. She was the first to hear about the idea that eventually sprouted this fic.

Ward swirled the whisky in his glass, then swallowed the double shot in one gulp. It burned on its way down to his stomach and he relished the feeling. It matched the burning in his chest. He lost Kara... no, that was wrong, he _killed_ Kara. Heard her suffocate on her own blood and watched her dying in his arms. To think of her and what they could have had hurt so much and he signaled for the bartender to refill his glass.

However, the burning in his chest was not just him aching for Kara’s loss. Flames of fury were racing through his veins and made him clench the newly refilled glass so tightly it was ready to shatter any moment. It reminded him of that time, ages ago, when he had also sat at a bar, with a different kind of rage in his veins, and Skye had urged him to talk after his major freak out after the Berserker staff incident. Skye... he clenched his jaw tightly and drank some more from his glass.

This, however, was different. It was not a rage born from some sort of alien device. This was personal. The world had taken another stab at him and he was fucking done with just meekly accepting the gashes he constantly received. It was time to strike back.

Anger and hatred had been his companions for most of his younger years. Had made him burn down his parents’ house in an attempt to kill his brother. He had failed back then, but he was not a scared kid anymore, he was a fully grown killer now. The product of what John had made him to be. Thinking of his former mentor only intensified his anger. Fuck John and his fucked up ways to manipulate everyone around him!

Ward quickly emptied his glass, then – giving in to the fire burning in his chest – smashed the glass on the ground. When the bartender looked up at him with big eyes that shone slightly with fear, he just told him harshly, “I want another one.”

He was done with all of it. Done with obeying orders and being a wheel in the machination of others. Done with trying to keep himself out of other people’s business.

But most of all, he was done with S.H.I.E.L.D.

A hard, bitter laugh forced its way up from deep down his chest. Coulson and his flock of hypocrites. They could not even see what they did to him, could they? They could not see that he had done his best to get their trust back. The team had been the only thing he had truly cared about for a long time. Except John of course. And both had let him down... no, not just let him down. _Tore_ him down. Just like his family had torn him down all those years ago.

He had been a fool to believe that he could ever be part of Coulson’s team again. Yes, he knew he was a piece of shit that deserved nothing from life at all. His family had taken good care to drive this point home. But the way his former team had treated him? It was even worse. He _knew_ he was not a good man and his time in Vault D had made him see that very clearly. There had been only one thing on his mind after trying to kill himself tree times: To become a better man, a man who would be worthy of rejoining his team. A man who would be worthy of Skye’s trust and affection. He had told them everything he knew about Hydra, he had told them about his brother (even though that had been painful). He had only spoken the truth to Skye and had helped her find her father. When Coulson had called him for help, he had come running (and would have even without the threat of Kara getting imprisoned if he refused), like an overeager dog to please his master.

He had done everything they wanted. He had tried apologizing, multiple times, had tried to rebuild bridges, but they simply refused, with an arrogance and sanctimoniousness that made his blood boil. All he had wished for was a little spark of friendliness that would help him along the way of redeeming himself. But that was not how things worked in S.H.I.E.L.D. Because they were exactly like his family. They relished in tearing him down.

Since the time he had decided to try and get back into the good graces of the team and do everything needed to get their trust back, he had been insulted, urged into suicide, betrayed and handed over to his abuser, he had been shot at while helping them and pretty much everyone of Coulson’s innocent saints had tried to kill him. So much for rebuilding trust.

Ward brought a slightly shaking hand to his forehead and let his head sink down on his palm. The rage in his chest turned into the choking grip of despair. God, he had messed up, he knew! Of course he knew, how couldn’t he? His whole life was a huge fucked up disaster! Didn’t they know that he would happily turn back time, if he could, and never betray them at all? He had been wrong to follow Garrett, yes, he _fucking knew_ that by now! He had suffered so much when turning on them and he had tried everything he could to keep the damage down.

But nothing of that mattered to Coulson and the team. They just refused to forgive him and refused to give him a second chance. They refused him the path of becoming a better man. No, worse, they didn’t _want_ him to become a better man.

The rage in his chest intensified again and Ward had to suppress the urge to drive his fist into the wall next to him. Why did everyone involved with S.H.I.E.L.D. get a second chance, everyone except him? Skye betrayed the team, May betrayed Coulson, Peterson had been welcomed back with open arms and Coulson was throwing around forgiveness for pretty much everyone. Just not for Ward. It was fucking unfair!

Before he could stop himself, he smashed his glass on the counter with such force that it shattered. One of the shards sank into his palms, the pain of it familiar and sharp. He removed it from the wound, but made no move to stop the blood from dripping on the counter. Looking at the red droplets trickling from his hand was somehow soothing.

“Man, please,” the bartender said with slight exasperation. “Don’t go destroying all my glasses and making a mess, it’s not...”

“Shut up,” Ward told him coldly, silencing him with one deadly glare, before he reached over the counter for the bottle of whisky. The bartender raised his hands and backed off.

Ward wasn’t a good man. He knew that. But he had tried to do better, only to have them shoot him down. They took everything from him, his girlfriend, his hope and his belief that not all people were bad. That is what he finally realized in the last few hours: He was not the only monster here. They were monsters, too. He was not the wolf in the flock, but the flock was just another pack of wolves, intent on bringing him down.

The door opened and four men walked in, the first one holding a list in his hands. Ah, his reinforcement had arrived. They were only the beginning. He would rally all the forces he could and make them swear allegiance to him. 

And he would show S.H.I.E.L.D. what it meant to have him fight back and have him as their enemy. They thought he was bad when he tried to help them? They would soon learn that was nothing. His weakness was over, there was no more holding back. He would strike them where it hurt most, in the heart of the team. He would leave them a crying, bleeding, begging mess. And there would be no mercy. Like they had shown him no mercy in the past.

The burning rage in his chest intensified. It became so strong it overrode the hurt and despair he hid beneath. The flames burned it all, feeding on the pain of the past until there was hardly anything left.

The scared boy from the well, he was finally dead.

 

-End-

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Good? Bad? Believable?


End file.
